Chaotic shore leave
by originalseriestrekkie
Summary: Things go crazy when Starfleet orders the crew down to shore leave! In the 21st century! 7 days of camping! Humor! Not slash!
1. Arguing with Starfleet

Title: Chaotic Shore Leave

Summery: Things go crazy when Starfleet orders Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu to take a camping shore leave trip. In the 21st century! For a week! Humor Fanfic! No slash! Takes place almost a year after the events of ST09

Disclaimer: I don't (and most likely never will) own Star Trek...

A/N: Austria's-nocturne helped me write this! We got these ideas on an actual camping trip!

_Captain's Log. Stardate 2305.6. As much as I really don't like the idea of camping, (FOR A WEEK!) Starfleet is forcing myself, Mr. Spock, Doctor McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu to stay on the same campground on Earth! They claim that we've been in space for to long and need a "break". So, they're forcing us to beam down, take a bus to the campground, (Why we can't beam down right at the campground, I have no idea!) set up our tents, and we'll be forced to stay there for 7 days! Oh yeah, did I mention that we're going to have to go back in time to the 21st century!_

_Earlier: _

"Your orders are to take a shore leave, Captain" The Starfleet admiral ordered.

"Sir, I assure you that we aren't in need of a shore leave, yet." Captain Kirk said.

"Captain, you've been in space for almost a year without a single shore leave."

"So?"

"So, your to go to the 21st century and go camping!" He barked.

"21st century? Why can't we just take a shore leave now?" Kirk whined.

"Because you need it. Trust us." The Starfleet officer said.

"But-" Kirk began.

"No arguments! You have your orders, Captain." The admiral barked. The screen suddenly went black.

"Arghh." Kirk grumbled.

"Oh relax!" How bad can it really be?" McCoy asked standing beside him.

"We don't need a shore leave!" whined Kirk.

"I think it vill be fun!" Chekov said with a big grin.

"Well I don't wanna go!" Kirk growled.

"Captain, there is a possibility that there might be young ladies there." Spock pointed out.

Kirk shot out of his chair. "In that case, hurry up Scotty! Take us back in time and beam us down!" He said with a gigantic smile.

The Enterprise took about twenty minutes to warp around the sun. They arrived at Earth and were ready to beam down. "Now, Scotty said, " I've set the transporter to beam us down to an isolated area so we won't be seen. Remember, this is 2011."

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, Scotty, and Sulu got on their transporter pads and told the random redshirt to beam them down to the planet surface.

A/N: I promise you this will get funnier! Don't forget to review, please!


	2. Road Trip!

_Last chapter: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, Scotty, and Sulu got on their transporter pads and told the random redshirt to beam them down to the planet surface. _

That's when they saw "it". "It" was a white, enormous, Yankee Trails bus to take them to their campground. "Let it begin." McCoy groaned. They all reluctantly piled on, only to discover one thing. Starfleet had not supplied a driver.

"Vell now what?" Chekov asked, "Who's driving?"

"I'll drive! Kirk exclaimed. He jumped on the bus and got to the drivers seat. Everyone but Spock gulped. They all sat relatively close to the front. "Ok, let's see if I can drive this, shall we?"

"Oh God! We're all gonna die!" McCoy snarled.

"Why don't I drive, sir," Sulu said, I _am _the navigator on the ship!"

"No way, I got this!" Kirk lamely reassured. He started the engine which made everyone tense up even more.

"We're dead, Jim!" McCoy shouted throwing up his hands in defeat. With that, Kirk slammed on the accelerate petal and the bus shot forward. They were all caught off guard. McCoy had to pry a terrified Chekov off the bus window. "My God, Jim slow down! Chekov almost flew out the window!" McCoy shouted over all the noise.

"This is scarier than when we met crazed fangirls!" He soon got interrupted when Kirk did a sharp turn, smashing into the windows again.

"Is anyone else remotely concerned about the Captains driving skills?" Spock asked, while hanging onto the seat in front of him for dear life.

"You're only remotely concerned?" McCoy asked right before crashing into Scotty who crashed into Chekov who crashed into Sulu who crashed into the bus seats which then reclined on them.

"Ow." They all said at the same time.

"Captain, the crewmen are bundled on the floor in some sort of human knot." Spock said with an eyebrow raised.

The policeman looked up as he saw the Yankee Trails bus shoot by. He didn't even have to look at his speed meter. They were going WAY past the speed limit. He put on the lights and siren and raced towards the speeding bus.

Spock looked out of the rearview mirror. "Captain, I believe what's known as the police are after us."

Kirk shrugged. "Who are they?"

"Highway patrol. They ticket people who are speeding on American highways." Spock simply said.

Kirk put on the brake so suddenly, everyone crashed to the front of the bus. "Ow." They all said together.

The police car pulled next to them and the policeman got out and ran to Kirk's window. "Do you know how fast you were going back there?"

Kirk blankly starred at him. "No, why?"

"You were going 95 miles per hour!" The officer exclaimed flailing his arms around.

"Sweet! I broke my record!" Kirk exclaimed.

"Captain, that is most certainly not helping." Spock said from inside.

"Who's in there?" The officer said while trying to strain his neck to see who else was in there.

"Oh, this is my friend Spock." Kirk said with an uncomfortable smile.

"Spock? What kind of name is that?" The cop asked.

"Um, that's his nickname! His full name is, uh, Anthony Spockirelli! He's Italian..." Kirk lied, extremely fast.

McCoy facepalmed and muttered, "Spockirelli. Sounds like a disease!" They started to giggle uncontrollably.

"Whatever. You still need to pay a gigantic fine!" The policeman barked. He took out a notepad and began righting the ticket.

"No, I don't think so!" Kirk smiled a five-year-old smile.

As if on cue Spock reached outside the window and pinched the police officer on the shoulder. He slumped to the ground. "Thank you, Spock."

"You are most welcome, Captain. Spock sat back down in the front seat. Bad mistake. Kirk hit the accelerate petal an Spock's head got smushed against the in front of him. But, Sulu, McCoy, Scotty, and Chekov flew straight to the back of the large bus.

"Ow." They said as soon as they hit the back.

After about an hour of the worst driving known to man, they finally made it to the campground. The five of them rushed off the bus at warp speed. Kirk got off and took a deep breath and said, "Ah, now wasn't that a fun road trip?"

Everyone groaned. "Delightful." McCoy said with his arms folded.

_End of chapter 2_

Authors note: We do not own Yankee Trails.

Authors note 2: Is this any good? Do you guys like this so far? Is this funny? Please, please, please Review!


	3. The campfire

**Authors Note: Hurricane Irene is unleashing her furry as I write! (I even went out side in the strong winds to take video and pictures) (yes, I know, I'm crazy!)**

Kirk smiled that big smile again. "Well, I'll be at the beach seeing if I can find me some girls!" He waved and turned to leave.

Spock put a hand on his shoulder. "After, you help us pitch all six tents."

"Ugh. When did you become the boss?" Kirk said, brushing Spock's hand off of his shoulder. He sighed. "Fiiiinnnneeee. I'll help you guys. Because I'm so awesome!" Kirk took the liberty of taking the king sized tent for himself. He took a folding chair out of the back of their bus, (where all their supplies were) unfolded it, and sat down. "Okay, you can put my tent up now." He said.

McCoy deeply sighed and facepalmed. "This is not what Spock meant when he said you need to "help" us." They finally finally pitched up Kirk's tent after a really long time.

Scotty, on the other hand was having quite a bit of difficulty. He seemed to be entangled with all the poles from his tent. They were pinning him to the ground and he couldn't seem to get up. "A little help?" He choked out.

"Scotty, you can replace dilitheiam crystals in the 23rd century, but you can't pitch a _tent _in the 21st century?" Kirk asked.

"Ummm... I refuse to comment." Scotty said quickly. Everyone sighed and slowly pulled the poles off Scotty.

"I believe humans these days, call moments like these: Fail." Spock remarked.

It took the Enterprise crew the rest of the afternoon to pitch all up all the tents. (Sad.)

"Arghh! It's past sunset, and we haven't gone to the beach yet!" Kirk whined in disappointment.

Ignoring Kirk's whining, Spock said, "Now that we have the tents pitched up and the sleeping bags set, (Kirk's took the biggest. He claimed that he needed his beauty sleep.) I believe we now have to make a campfire."

"And smores!" Chekov shouted so loud, that everyone had to cover their ears.

"Who's going to make the fire?" Kirk asked.

"Why don't you make it, sir? You are our Captain." Sulu suggested.

"What? No way! Fire's are super dangerous!" Kirk backed away.

"So who's gonna make it?" Scotty asked.

"Not me!" They all said at the same exact time. "Fine, I'll ask a random redshirt to do it. I think his name is Ensign Ricky." He pulled out his communicator and called Ensign Ricky down. He beamed down shortly after.

"Make us a fire, Ensign Rickey!" Kirk commanded. Ensign Rickey took a breath to say something, but was stopped by Captain Kirk. "Stop! You're not allowed to have any lines!" Ensign Ricky sighed in defeat and got out the matches and started to light the wood. "Try your hardest not to get killed. We're gonna need you later." Kirk barked.

The fire blew up in a giant wall of flame. (Don't ask how, I guess Ensign Ricky has skill...) Ensign Ricky was blown back by the heat on the ground. No one asked him if he was okay because he was wearing red.) "Okay, go make yourself useful and hike all the way to the water spout and fetch us some water for tomorrow." Kirk ordered while shoving their large bucket to him.

They waited until he was gone before sitting down on logs around the fire. "Well this is stupid," McCoy said, "There's nothing to do!"

"We can sing songs!" Kirk suggested happily.

"Absolutely not!" McCoy said evenly.

"Aw, come on! It'll be fun!" Kirk began, "Ready? Row, Row, Row, your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, Merrily, Merrily life is but a dream!"

"Oh dear lord!" McCoy said, facepalming.

"Vhat should ve sing next?" Chekov asked bouncing up and down.

"Why _must _we sing?" Spock asked tensely.

"Because it's fun!" Kirk sang in a incredibly weird voice.

"Vhat are ve going to sing?" Chekov asked. It looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

"I've got it! It's real relaxing. Kirk began. He took out a small guitar from the bus and began strumming.

"I call this one, the campfire song song.

Let's gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song!

Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song.

And if you think that you can sing faster than your wrong

But, it'll help if you just - sing - along... "

Kirk started singing extremely fast. And Chekov continued to bounce along.

"The c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song!

And if you think that you can sing faster, than your wrong.

But it'll help if you just sing along!

Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song!"

Kirk pointed the guitar at Chekov. "Chekov!"

"Song! C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g" Chekov tried to sing at the same pace, but was failing.

Kirk pointed the guitar at Spock. "Spock."

Spock just raised an eyebrow, like he was out of his mind. "..."

"Good!" Kirk said. He began to sing again.

"It'll help...!

It'll help, if you just sing along!"

He smashed the guitar on an empty log.

"OH YEAH!"

He sighed and sat down. "Ah, now wasn't that relaxing?"

McCoy frowned and snarled, "I'm going to bed."

"Me too!" Scotty said with fear in his voice. (Let's just say Scotty has never seen Kirk sing like that. Ever.)

"Me three!" Sulu said.

"If you don't mind Captain, but I think I'll retire for the evening." Spock said getting up and moving at a rather fast pace away from the campfire.

Before any of them were able to get into their tents, they heard leaves rustle and branches crack. It turned out to be Ensign Ricky returning with the bucket of water. It looked like his arm was about to fall of with the weight of the bucket.

"Oh shoot. Where's Ensign Ricky going to sleep?" Kirk asked.

"He's a redshirt, just leave him out under the stars." Suggested Sulu.

"According to Starfleet general order 105 section B, If crewmen are going to be sleeping on a shore leave, ALL starfleet personnel are required to sleep in a tent/cabin/lodge." Spock said without hesitation. Ensign Ricky looked happier than he did 30 seconds ago.

"But ve only have six tents!" Chekov exclaimed as if he just realized it.

"Brilliant observation." Muttered McCoy.

"One of us is going to have to share." Sulu said bitterly.

"Not me!" Everyone but Spock said.

"You lose, Spock!" McCoy said smiling.

"I do not believe we were playing a game." Spock said with a raised eyebrow.

They all sighed and tried to explain the "Not it!" rule to Spock. (to no avail.) "This is illogical." He said.

"Who's he going to share a tent with?" Scotty said with worry in his eyes. His idea of a shore leave is not to have a Vulcan in the same tent.

"I'm the boss, I'll pick!" Kirk blurted.

"It's only logical I share a tent with you, because you have the biggest tent of us all combined." Spock said.

"No way!" Kirk shouted. "I need my beauty sleep!"

"Illogical..."

"How about you share with McCoy?" Kirk asked, trying to hold back laugher.

"WHAT?" McCoy shouted. "You can't put us together, we never get along!"

"I am forced to agree with the doctor. That was a poor decision." Spock said with a Vulcan equivalent to a sigh.

"No arguments!" Kirk said, before he, and everyone else started to burst out laughing.

With several protests, McCoy FINALLY let Spock in his tent with his tent. "I hope your happy!" McCoy hissed into Ensign Ricky's ear. They got in the tents and undid their sleeping bags. "You have on the opposite end of me!" He shouted.

"Do not worry. I will not be getting any closer." Spock assured, setting his sleeping bag as far away as McCoy as possible.

_End of chapter 3 We do not own the Spongebob Squarepants song.  
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	4. Chekov's Fish

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was at camp all week, and didn't really have time to update.

_Day 2: _

"Beach!" Kirk yelled as soon as he woke up. He sprang out of his tent. "Gotta go!" He ran as fast as he he could, but was stopped by Spock.

"After, you take a shower. And get dressed. I doubt most females would care to see you with sheep on your pajamas." Spock said.

"Arghh. Who made you the boss?" Kirk said bitterly.

"Don't be difficult. We all have to do it!" McCoy said grumpily, flinging his bag of clothes over his shoulder.

"You mean I have to take a shower with other people?" Kirk exclaimed.

"No Captain. There are stalls." Spock said with the Vulcan equivalent to a sigh.

"Fiiiinnnneeee. This better be quick!" Kirk said, sighing. He went in his tent and grabbed a change of clothes. It took all five of them 10 minutes walk down to the shower-house. (Spock had gotten up earlier than anyone else) Each of the shower stalls in the shower-house were programed for fifteen minutes until the water shut off. (Kirk used all the hot water) (much to McCoy's unhappiness) They got back to their campsite and found six plates of scrambled eggs and bacon on each of their logs surrounding the fire.

"You did this, Spock?" Kirk asked.

"Yes sir."

"Wh didn't you make Ensign Ricky do it?" Kirk asked.

"His tent is no longer in it's place. I'm assuming that in the middle of the night he packed up his tent and ran away." Spock said, sighing.

"How are we ever going going to find him?" Sulu asked.

"He's a redshirt. He's a redshirt. He can't be to hard to find." Scotty said with a frown.

"Dang, we needed him!" McCoy growled.

"Maybe he'll come back," Kirk said, "Come on, let's go!"

"With you around Jim, I doubt he's even in the same country!" McCoy said, taking his plate of food, and dumping it into his mouth. The rest did the same.

"Are we going to drive to the beach Keptin?" Chekov asked with a lot of fear in his voice.

"Absolutely _not. _After yesterday, I never want to step in another bus _ever _again." McCoy answered for him.

"Why don't we just walk." Scotty suggested.

"Fiiiinnnneeee." Kirk sighed. It took them a half-an-hour to hike down to the beach. "Well, I'll see ya later!" Kirk said right before he rushed over to a group of girls.

"Oh no, not again." Sulu muttered.

"I vant to go fishing!" Chekov said, bouncing up and down.

"You may, Ensign." Spock said, as he pulled a fishing pole out of his backpack that he brought along. (Don't ask how he could fit a fishing pole in his backpack. He made a mnemonic memory circuit out of stone knives and bearskins, he can do almost anything.)

"Yaaaaaaaaay!" Chekov screamed, and ran down the dock. He threw in his line and waited anxiously.

"We need to ruin Kirk's chances of getting yet another girl." McCoy smiled evilly and rubbed his hands together.

"I think Ensign Chekov will take care of that for us." Spock said evenly.

Finally, Chekov got a bite on his lure. He yanked it so hard, the fish came shooting out of the water and landed right in front of him. "I caught a fish!" He yelled so loud, that people fishing nearby (including Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy) had to cover their ears. He smiled, and yelled, "I got to show Keptin Kirk!" He ran off the dock and towards the Captain. (Who was surrounded by a bunch of girls.) "KEPTIN, I CAUGHT A FISH! KEPTIN LOOK AT MY FISH!"

"Chekov, go away!" Kirk hissed.

But it was to late. All the girls smiled at Chekov. "Awwwwww! He's so adorable!" They all said at once.

"Who me?" Chekov asked with a smile.

"Awwwwww!" They all walked away from Kirk and flocked over to Chekov.

"Keptin! I think they like me!" Chekov said smiling.

"Awwwwww! We love your accent!" They all said.

"What?" Kirk asked, standing alone on the beach.


	5. The Bonfire

Authors note: Sorry, I would have updated sooner, but I was at my Aunt's in New Jersey…

-Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of 9/11. We will never forget.

_Last Chapter: "What?" Kirk asked asked standing alone. _

MEANWHILE

The Doctor cast out his line for the thirteenth time in 10 minutes.

"Doctor, may I be of assistance?" Spock asked, sitting beside him on the same dock Chekov caught his fish on.

McCoy just stared at him. "How can you possibly be of assistance? I'm fishing!"

"If you cast out your line 14.2391 inches to the left, you may have a better probability of catching a fish." Spock said in all seriousness.

McCoy didn't mean to ask, but it just slipped out. "And you would know that, how?" He scowled.

"Based on the appearance of the water, the wave size, and the position, I can assume-"

"I think you better leave before I blow my head off!" McCoy said with an eye twitching, and his face redder than usual.

"I was only trying to help." Spock said, getting up.

"You know, it's called vacation for a reason!" McCoy said, from behind Spock.

"Actually, the definition of vacation is-" Spock began.

"I give up…" McCoy said under his breath as he turned his attention to his fishing pole. He knew Spock was rambling on about the definition of vacation behind him, he chose to ignore it.

Spock stopped, when he saw Chekov chatting causally with many other girls. "I caught a fish, ummm, …Anthony Spockirelli…" Chekov stalled, unsure what to call Spock.

"Yes, it appears that you caught a large male rainbow trout." Spock said, holding it. "I will take it off the hook." He silently took the hook of the fishes mouth.

"Awwwwww, he's being so polite!" The girls around Chekov said. Some of them swarmed over to surround Spock. (who had no idea what was going on)

"Wow! Look how many fish I caught at once!" Sulu said said while pulling up his line with three fish on it.

"Awwwwww, he's so good at fishing!" The girls said. Some of them swarmed over to Sulu. (who seemed quite pleased with himself)

Meanwhile, McCoy pulled out his communicator (designed as a cell phone to look more modern) "Hey, this stupid thing isn't working!"

"I can fix that!" Scotty yelled, putting down his fishing pole. He took the cellphone, opened the back, and rewired important wires. He closed it back up and handed it to McCoy.

McCoy tested it. "Work's fine, thanks." He mumbled.

"Awwwwww, he can fix anything!" All the girls said at once. Some of them swarmed over to Scotty and surrounded him.

A couple of minutes later, Chekov caught his foot in a rock and tripped and hit his hand on a nearby rock. "OW! MY HAND'S BLEEDING!" Chekov said, as if he was falling off an 1,000 ft. cliff.

"I can fix that." McCoy grumbled and medical kit out of his backpack. "Hold still!" He growled as he snatched Chekov's shaking hand and slapped a Scooby-doo band-aid on his tiny cut that was almost not even there.

"You keep Scooby-doo band-aids?" Scotty asked, over all the noise of the girls.

"Only for Chekov, who needs one almost every day!" McCoy snapped while packing up his medical kit.

"Awwwwww, he's a doctor!" Some of the girls swarmed over to McCoy.

"What? You've got to be kidding! Everyone but me?" Kirk yelled in the middle of the chaos.

A single girl walked up to him, and said, "Why are all my friends surrounding your friends?" She asked.

"I have no idea!" Kirk grumbled.

"You know what's weird? They all say Awwwwww way too much." She said, thinking out loud.

"I've noticed." Kirk grumbled.

"Hey, this is our last night here, so were gonna have a bon fire. You boys wanna come. I'm sure we could fit six more people in." She said.

"Will there be girls there?" Kirk asked, suddenly very eager.

"Plenty."

"We're going!" Kirk announced.

"Name's Ashley." She said, and shook his hand.

"Name's Jim. Kirk said. He smiled and looked her in the eye for a few moments. "You know, we could-"

"Never gonna happen!" She said with a disgusted voice. "Just friends!"

"Fiiiinnnneeee!" Kirk said with disappointment.

"Gimme a call latter." Ashely said, smiling. She retrieved her friends and started to run off.

"But we don't even know your number!" Kirk called after her, but it was too late, they were too far away.

"Captain, I believe I have her number." Spock said, with an eyebrow up because he still didn't know what the heck was going on.

"Of course….." Kirk said with a frown.

They spent one more hour at the beach until they decided to hike back to their campsite. They split the four fish they caught (Much to Chekov's extreme protests) and eat lunch. Then Kirk decided to give Ashley a call to let her know they will be going to the bonfire.

"You sure they'll be girls there?" Kirk asked in the middle of the conversation.

"Yes, Don't worry, Jim." Ashely reassured.

"You know, if we really wanted, we could-"

"JIM! Just friends, remember?"

"Fiiiinnnneeee…" Kirk said. (Again.)

It was dark by the time they had hiked there. "Just in time!" Ashley said cheerfully, watching Kirk with a very careful eye.

"You got something to eat, I'm _starving_!" McCoy complained.

"Well, we are cooking some hot dogs." Ashley pointed towards the nearby grill. "And we'll have smores later."

"Smores! Chekov shouted jumping up and down at a million miles an hour.

"Easy! Down Chekov! Sulu said, restraining him like a dog.

All six of them had two hot dogs. (Except Scotty. He had six. No wonder he's fat in all the movies!)

"Time for smores!" Ashley said excitedly.

"Control yourself." Sulu warned to Chekov.

Ashley passed out all the marshmallows, (I had originally typed mushrooms instead of marshmallow, until Austria's-nocturne had pointed it out to me. Yeah, I know. I'm bad at Spelling) Hershey bars, graham crackers, and sticks to put the marshmallows on. Chekov was eyeing the marshmallow.

Spock said, "I am not familiar with the term smote."

"WHAT?" Everyone at the campfire said at once.

"I don't understand such strong emotionalism towards a mere statement." Spock said, with eyebrow in the highest position possible.

"How long have you been studying human culture?" McCoy asked with a tilted eyebrow.

"Approximately 5 of your Earth years."

"And you've NEVER heard the term smore?"

"Precisely."

"Illogical." Kirk said with a boyish smirk to signal he was being sarcastic.

"Smores are a typical twenty first century camping tradition. A smore will generally consist of a roasted marshmallow a part of a Hershey's chocolate bar, and two pieces of graham crackers to go on top." McCoy said trying his best to imitate Spock. (Fail)

"Thank you, Doctor. I now know what a smore is. Thank you." Spock said.

"Arghh, I was being sarcastic!" McCoy grumbled.

Meanwhile, Chekov took his incinerated marshmallow, (that was still half on fire) a full bar of chocolate, (that was meant to be shared) a full bar of graham cracker, and took a bite. Bad Mistake. "SUGAR!" Chekov screamed. "SO MUCH SUGAR!"

"He's going on a sugar rush!" Scotty cried. (with his mouth full of his seventh smore)

"MARSHMALLOWS MAKE ME SO HYPER! Chekov screamed.

"_Now_ you tell us?" McCoy snarled.

Chekov started running around the large campfire at full speed. "SUGAR!"

"Chekov, I order you to calm down!" Kirk hissed loudly. "You embarrassing the rest of us!"

"I CAN'T SIR! TOO MUCH SUGAR! GIVE ME MORE!" Chekov began weaving/jumping over people.

"Ensign Chekov, please restrain yourself." Spock said, getting off his log he was sitting on and tried to stop Chekov in his place.

"SUGAR!" Chekov screamed, knocking Spock back on his log.

Kirk facepalmed and said to Ashley, "I am so sorry. He can be a bit crazy on shore-I mean vacation."

Ashley gave Chekov a very strange look as he sprinted by. "Yeeeeaaaaah, I've noticed."

"We'll take him to our campsite." Kirk said bitterly.

"Were are you guys from, anyway?" Ashley asked , noticing the five of them calling him a Captain.

"Ummm, we work for NASA. Kirk lied.

"Woah, that's so cool!" Do you guys go up in outer space?"

_Only everyday of our lives,_ Kirk thought. "Ummm, yeah sure." Kirk said, uncomfortably. To his relief, Chekov interrupted them.

"I GOTTA HAVE MORE SUGAR, NOW!"

"I don't think so." McCoy snarled, "That's the last thing we're gonna do."

"Chekov, do you want to go back to the campsite sit in time-out?" Kirk asked.

"I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF!" Chekov shouted even more loudly.

"Were going to have to stop him somehow!" Scotty said.

"Okay, on three. One… Two… Three!" Kirk said, as he, Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy jumped on Chekov as soon as he ran by.

Spock simply got off his log and raised an eyebrow. "Humans can be so illogical."

"Yeah, thanks so much for helping!" McCoy said before getting rolled over by Chekov.

After ten minutes of wrestling, (A.K.A. trying to gain control over Chekov) they finally had him. He began begging the Captain to just have one more bite of sugar. "No way!" Kirk said for the billionth time.

"Just one bite?" Chekov pleaded like his life depended on it.

"NO!" Everyone at the campsite said at once.

"Noooooooooooo….." Chekov yelled, as Scotty, Spock, McCoy, and Sulu dragged him by his legs.

"We made a big mistake by letting him have sugar." Ashley said to Kirk. "How long do these usually last?"

"Oh, don't worry, it'll wear down in a couple of hours." Kirk and Ashley said good-bye and Kirk began the trek back to their campsite. This was going to be a long night…

Authors note: Please review! Thanks so much for reading!


	6. The Prank War

Authors note: Wow, I don't even know where to begin with the excuses! Was it September when I last uploaded this? Wow, my bad! My life has been very busy, school, homework, ect. Plus, I was writing two fan-fictions for Person of Interest! (That show is AWESOME, you need to watch it!) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Day 3:**

Kirk woke up in the middle of the night and got a great idea. It had been a long time since pranked anyone and he was long overdue. And now was the perfect moment because everyone was asleep, and would have no idea whatsoever that Kirk was going to prank them.

Smiling, he silently got out of his sleeping bag, and tent. He had the perfect idea of a prank to do. He went over to Spock and McCoy's tent. He silently crept in and turned on a small light so he could see. He took McCoy's sleeping bag and very slowly moved it towards Spock's sleeping bag. In the end, it looked like as if McCoy was basically sleeping on top of Spock.

Kirk quickly turned off the light, and stumbled out of their tent quietly. He sprinted towards his tent, but it was too late. McCoy was awake. "WHAT THE (insert swear word of your choice here) ! JIM!" The tent was moving around so much, that it looked like it was about to split in half.

"Captain, that was very illogical" came from Spock.

"How did you know I did it?" Kirk asked in an innocent voice.

"I doubt the Doctor or anyone else would _ever _do that." Spock said.

But, I didn't do whatever it is that your talking about!" Kirk lied.

Spock and McCoy stumbled out of their tent. "Then why are you outside, and not in your sleeping bag? Spock accused.

"I just came back from the bathroom!" Kirk thought up quickly!

"You went up to the bathrooms twenty minutes ago! Everyone could here you!" McCoy snapped.

"Face it, Captain. You've been caught." Spock said.

"You can't prove anything!" Kirk said, and rushed back into his king sized tent.

"I know how I'm going to get him back!" McCoy said firmly.

"Hows that?" Spock asked.

"He doesn't like spiders." McCoy said already walking towards Scotty's tent to wake him up. He got in Scotty's tent and softly kicked his sleeping bag. He stirred a little bit, but fell right back to sleep. McCoy cursed under his breath and kicked Scotty's sleeping bag with full force.

Scotty's eyes jolted open. "OW! … McCoy? Why are ye waken' me up so early for?"

McCoy explained how Kirk had pranked him to Scotty. "Now, you see why I need you to help me catch some spiders?" He asked impatiently.

"Aye, but I don't really want to get in the middle of this…" Scotty complained.

"Scotty, you're the only one that can help me," McCoy pleaded. "Chekov will just go crazy, and start screaming, I can't ask Sulu because his tent is to near the Captains. And I sure as heck, aint gonna make the pointed ear hobgoblin help!"

"Fine, but I take no responsibility in this!" Scotty warned.

"Whatever." McCoy mumbled. They got out of Scotty's tent and went into the heavily wooded forest with only two flashlights.

Twenty minutes later, McCoy and Scotty returned to the main campsite with two small buckets filled with all different types of spider and daddy-longlegs. "This is going to be the best one yet! McCoy said, excitedly.

Scotty sighed. "I'm not so sure of this, Doctor. The Captain might have our heads!"

"Relax, he won't even know it was us!" McCoy reassured Scotty for the fifth time. They silently walked to Kirk's tent, unzipped it and dumped all of the

spiders/daddy-longlegs on him. McCoy dashed away to quickly. He left the zipper undone. Kirk was beginning to stir awake.

"Doctor! The zipper!" Scotty hissed.

"Zip it up! Hurry!" McCoy hissed back. He motioned his hand for Scotty to hurry up. Scotty fumbled with the zipper for a second and zipped it up.

Kirk fully awoke with the sound of the zipper. "SPIDERS! AHHHH I HATE SPIDERS! SPIDERS ARE SO ICKY!" Came Kirk's frantic cry from inside the tent. Scotty was paralyzed with fear. Kirk unzipped the tent and saw Scotty there.

"Mr Scott! Why are there spiders inside my tent! Kirk blew up.

"I-I I was just-…It was McCoy's idea, I swear! He mad at you for moving his sleeping bag! So he asked me to help him collect spiders!" Scotty confessed quickly.

Kirk looked inside McCoy/Spock's tent to find them both asleep. (McCoy was obviously faking it.) He frowned towards Scotty. "Scotty, you're relieved of all duty for a month when we get back. You also are to sleep in the spider infested tent!" He pointed towards his tent until Scotty reluctantly got into the tent.

Kirk smiled and returned to Scotty's tent. (which was much to small for his liking.)

Scotty was determined to get back at McCoy after what he did. After a while he came up with the perfect plan. He got out of Kirk's spider infested tent, Got a pie out of the food container from the white Yankees Trails bus, and brought it back to Kirk's spider tent.

"HELP! HELP! ME BODY HURTS SO BAD!" Scotty cried out with a grin attached to his face.

McCoy was the first to barge out of his half of his tent. He sprinted over to Kirk's tent. "What's wrong, Scotty? He asked urgently.

Scotty smiled. "Nothing. Nothing at all!"

Before McCoy even had a chance to say anything, Scotty pelted McCoy with the pie that was supposed to be split into six. McCoy staggered back, (totally unprepared for Scotty's attack) and fell back into the nearby mud. So his front was totally white with pie, and his back was totally brown from the mud.

The rest of the crew rushed out of their tents, but only cracked up when they saw McCoy. (Except Spock of course!)

"You're funny looking!" Chekov laughed.

"Brilliant observation ." McCoy grumbled.

"Maybe you should take a shower…" Sulu suggested after McCoy accidentally bumped into him getting whipped cream on his left arm.

"I'm gonna get you, Scotty!" McCoy threatened. "This war ain't over yet!" He walked silently the road towards the bathrooms/showers.

Spock raised an eyebrow and turned towards Kirk. "Captain, what does the Doctor mean when he says 'war'?"

Kirk smiled at Spock's lack of knowledge towards human culture. "Prank war, Spock. It's very common amongst us humans."

"What exactly is a prank? Spock said oblivious to everyone trying their absolute hardest not to crack up.

Kir facepalmed and tried to explain explain what a prank was.

"I see no logic in a pranking someone. It does not does not serve a logical purpose." Spock said.

"Well, you better start pranking, or you're going to get prank by everyone!" Kirk warned.

"I suppose I will try pranking, just to study human culture." Spock said. Everyone laughed at Spock's lame excuse.

Spock made his way down to the same bathrooms McCoy was at. He went into the back and found all the pluming. He figured out which was cold and which was hot. He turned off the hot and cranked up the cold to a cold as it would allow!

After about thirty seconds he could hear: "WHAT THE (Insert some bad words here)! THIS IS SO COLD!" Spock heard the shower water suddenly stop. McCoy came out about ten minutes later. "Spock? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I was merely here to use the bathroom." Spock lied. He felt his face get more green then usual. But McCoy didn't seem to notice in the dark.

"Oh whatever. The campground officials need to really fix the pluming in this stupid, old bathroom." McCoy stopped and suspiciously raised an eyebrow at Spock. "Say, you didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

Spock raised his eyebrow to prove his innocence that never existed. "Doctor, it is quite illogical to accuse me of something I know nothing about." He tried to hide his guilt, but McCoy was already catching on.

"You did it, didn't you!" He shouted.

"Doctor, I-"

"THIS WAR AINT OVER!" McCoy shouted and sprinted all the way back to the campground. Spock was almost afraid to go back because he was almost positive he was going to get pranked somehow.

When he arrived at the campsite, he was surprised. No one was there. No one was in their tents or around the campfire. He took out his communicator (made to look as a modern cell phone) and called Kirk's cell phone. No one answered. He tried to track it, only to find that everyone had left their cell phones in Kirk's tent.

Feeling a slight hint of panic, Spock circled the campsite to see if there were any traces of anyone leaving. Although he was deny it, Spock was somewhat alarmed. His friends were missing, and there was no trace of them anywhere.

As he walked back to his tent, he heard some leaves rustle. He whirled he head around in the direction he heard the noise. When he saw nothing there, he just passed the noise off as a squirrel or some kind of bird.

All of a sudden, with no warning what-so-ever, Kirk, Scotty, McCoy, Sulu, and Chekov sprang out of their hiding spots from behind some big fat trees and screamed, "BOO!"

Spock was so startled, he jumped like three feet in the air. His eyes were bugging out of his head and he had put forth all of his Vulcan half not to yelp in surprise. He began to shake from the shock. "Captain…that was not logical." Everyone else was cracking, up, so they couldn't hear him.

As the night passed, more and more pranks were being pulled. Sulu pranked Chekov who pranked Scotty who pranked McCoy who pranked Spock. Then the pranking chain would be reversed until finally at around 3:30 am, the Enterprise crew finally was to exhausted to do any more pranks. Kirk mad everyone help rid his giant tent of Spiders, and they all went to sleep.

Authors Note: Hahaha, thanks for reading and please review!


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